12/11/2023 0 Comments Growing up with parents who fightParents’ experiences and factors which may affect parenting This review will focus on parents’ experiences and the factors which may affect their parenting, dealing with, in turn, parent training and interventions rewards of parenthood effects on children of having a parent with learning disabilities the removal of children service provision across the UK and current initiatives further reading and useful links and resources. Additionally, some of the literature emphasises that, with positive support, parents with learning disabilities can successfully raise their children, and there are case studies of this happening (Norah Fry Research Centre, 2009). Significantly, training programmes for parents with learning disabilities have been shown to be effective in increasing skills and competencies (McGaw & Sturmey 1993). Research has shown that the removal of children is often viewed as a consequence of parental incompetence but in reality it may be due more to lack of appropriate long-term support or specialist service provision (Booth & Booth, 1994). However, in spite of this, it is recognised that these parents face an increased risk of losing their children (Booth, 2000) and that their children are more likely to be described as vulnerable (Keltner, Wise & Taylor, 1999). For those people with learning disabilities who are known to services, the key requirement is for them to receive practical support in their role as parents (Tarleton, Ward & Howarth, 2006) and there is an expectation that services deliver effective provision (London Network of Parents with Learning Difficulties, 2009, ). All told, therefore, this is something of an invisible population. Many people with learning disabilities are now becoming parents and yet there are no reliable estimates of numbers due to, first, variations in the definition of learning disabilities over time and cross-nationally (Whitman & Accardo, 1990) and, second, the fact that relatively few parents with learning disabilities are known to the relevant services (McGaw & Sturmey, 1993). There are also family services around Australia that you can contact if you need help.Dr Sandra Baum (UK), Head of LD Psychological Services, Oxleas NHS Foundation Trust If things are getting intense or you don’t feel safe at home with your parents, check out our info on what to do when your home is no longer a safe place. If you need support, don’t be afraid to ask for it. You might worry that if you talk to someone, you could get into trouble or it could break up your family – that’s not down to you. If you’d prefer to talk to someone you don’t know, you could try using a hotline or online chat service, or share what’s happening with you on an anonymous forum such as the ReachOut Forums. Your school, uni/TAFE or workplace might have a support person available. It could be a sibling (if you have one), a friend, a relative, a GP or a counsellor. Try a few places until you find somewhere you feel safe that you can go to if you need to. Your local community might have a public library, park or basketball courts that you could also go to. If there’s someone who knows that your parents often fight, you could ask them whether you could come round whenever the situation at home gets intense. Even the time you spend getting there can help to clear your head. If you have a trusted neighbour, friend or relative close by, you could ask if you can drop by. If you’re able to leave the house, you could take the dog for a walk or meet up with a friend. These activities are discreet and won’t attract any extra attention to you. For example, you could put on your headphones and listen to music or play a game, read a book, message a friend or do some drawing. Think about which ones you can do easily to distract yourself when your parents are fighting. Have a plan to do things you enjoy every day. If you prioritise what makes you feel good day-to-day, you’ll be more resilient and feel better equipped to deal with those ‘Ah, crap, they’re at it again’ moments that aren’t so good. When you’re going through something like your parents fighting all the time, looking after yourself is extra important. You could listen to music, or play a game with earphones in, so you can’t hear the fighting. If you can, go to another room or somewhere you feel safe and secure. When your parents are fighting, this can make you feel upset, angry, anxious, down, irritable or stressed. It’s not your fault that this is happening and you don’t have to take sides. Remember that you’re not responsible for your parents’ conflict and it’s not your job to ‘fix’ it for them. While there's a whole stack of things you can't control in the situation, there are a few things you can do to help you cope and feel a bit better. It's normal to feel sad, worried, stressed and even angry. Hearing or experiencing your parents always fighting at home is a really horrible situation to be in.
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